Are you shy and think this is a weakness? You may be looking at shyness the wrong way. According to the latest research, somewhere between 40 and 60 percent of all adults report being shy. And while it’s easy to get down on yourself when you are shy or socially anxious, there are times when it’s a trait of real strength.
In this article, we’re going to forget about the horrors of mingling in a room full of strangers, playing icebreaker games in the office, or meeting someone in person who you’ve previously only spoken to online. Instead, we’re going to focus on the 10 positive aspects of shyness, and discover how it could just be your secret weapon for success.
1. Your modesty is endearing
Shy people are unobtrusive; they rarely whip up controversy or fight for the center stage. And they’re perceived as very personable as a result.
While bolder types may wade in and immediately take charge of a conversation, you prefer to hold back and listen. To others, you appear modest, empathetic and non-threatening, which are all attractive qualities. So, while shy people will often ponder for a long time before they approach someone, when they do, they tend to have a consistently good experience.
2. You cultivate more intense friendships
Shy children and adults tend to make fewer friends than their more-confident peers but those relationships are cultivated very intensely. Being less forward, you may have a little trouble forging friendships, so you treasure the ones you have.
Plus, your naturally reserved nature makes you a more active and better listener. This makes it easy for others to open up to you and trust you. You may be able to count your friendships on one hand – but they’re likely to stick around for a lifetime.
3. You make better decisions
Being shy means you look before you leap, and take time to think things through before making your choices. Your cautious nature stops you from being carried away by your impulses and making rash decisions you might later regret. It allows you to be a little more reasoned in your decision-making.
At the same time, you need to make a conscious effort to avoid overthinking and working yourself up about problems that only exist in your head. But as long as you’re not being ruled by fear, your instinct is to analyze the situation thoroughly and consider all the variables before acting, which means you’re highly effective in decision-making.
4. Shyness is linked to creativity
Since shy people struggle to engage with external stimuli, they often concentrate on their inner lives and develop a rich imagination. And shy people tend to hone their creative abilities in order to get this imagination out into the world and materialize their feelings.
From David Bowie to Adele, there are a multitude of shy musicians and writers. The poet Emily Dickinson was such a shrinking violet, she used to greet her visitors from behind a half-closed bedroom door. And Agatha Christie agreed to take over as chairman of the Detective Club on the strict understanding that she would never have to make a speech. Now that’s a job description I can get behind!
5. You tend to be altruistic
Shy people are often altruistic – they help others. In fact, you often think far too hard about people’s reactions when figuring out how you should behave and what you are going to say. You are sensitive to what others are feeling, and this is beneficial when dealing with others with kindness and consideration.
6. You think before you speak
Rather than rushing headlong into a solution or an answer, a shy person will generally weigh the pros and cons, think before acting, and seek consensual solutions. It’s likely you do this as a way to avoid looking stupid and embarrassing yourself in front of others, which may not make you feel especially proud of your motivations.
But whatever your reasons for holding back, people will trust your calm and well thought-out opinions. They make a balanced counterpoint against all the spontaneous and knee-jerk reactions out there, and are especially valued in the workplace.
7. You are extremely adaptable
Being shy can keep you from a lot of things in life that you wish to experience. There’s a natural urge to avoid situations that may be overwhelming, like having to make a presentation or attend a networking event. But life has a habit of throwing these challenges in your path and you must find ways to deal with them.
For shy people, facing fearful situations is an everyday event. And this means you’re always finding ways to adapt by doing things in ways that make sense for you. You’re always developing strategies to cope with life's difficulties, and being a fighter has huge benefits in your work and personal life.
8. You cope well on your own ...
First, let’s clear up some confusion – shy people are not necessarily Introverts, and Introverts arenot always shy. Introversion might make you think of someone who is shy and sensitive but there are plenty of shy Extraverts, and plenty of Introverts who are self-confident. Introversion and shyness are distinct qualities.
So when we talk about coping well on your own, we’re not talking about the introverted tendency to prefer alone-time as a way to recharge. Rather, we’re talking about the ability to focus and be productive in a solitary environment and not having to win the approval of others to validate what you’re doing. This is an area where many shy people find that they flourish. The ability to work and succeed independently is great for your self-esteem and personal growth.
9. … and you also excel at teamwork
We don’t tend to think of shy people as being good on teams but in fact, shy people often have many of the skills that make teams succeed. They’re empathetic listeners, which makes them understand others better, and they’re often perceived as trustworthy, which means people are very willing to work with them.
From a business point of view, it is useful to have people in your team who want to take risks and dare to discover new things. But equally, the team needs someone who is more cautious and fearful – someone who, instead of looking for new ways of doing things, is protecting what the business already has. Shy people tend not to go overboard with their reactions because they operate with a strong sense of balance. Don’t let anyone tell you that being shy is incompatible with leading projects and teams!
10. Shyness is an evolutionary advantage
If you’re used to thinking of your shyness as something wrong with you, know this: shyness is not a personality mistake, but an evolutionary advantage. According to evolutionary psychologists, the tendency to fear and avoid strangers is hardwired into our psyche. It stems from the days when tribes and village communities had to protect themselves from potentially dangerous people outside the tribe.
Even today, it is impossible to know beforehand whether someone will be good or bad for your work team, family or friendship group. Thus, it makes sense to have a combination of bold people who can push boundaries and expand social networks, and shy people who can act with more caution and restraint. Every society (or group) needs a balance of both kinds of people to function properly. Shy people of the world, unite!
